- C.S. Lewis
I want to give my life to God. To follow Him. To experience His favor.
Do you ever rely on GPS when you don’t exactly know how to get from point A to point B? I do. I like to plug things into my iPhone instead of using a paper map. My grandfather recently tried to give me a 1996 city map book for a destination to which I was traveling. It was hard to explain to him that all of that information (well, at least the 2011 version of it) was in my small phone.
I am very visual; so many times I simply follow the little blue dot that appears on the map to show where I am. The purple line shows how I’m supposed to go to get there, and the red dot is the final destination. Sometimes, because I haven’t taken the time to read all of the street signs or look too far ahead, I have been known to make an early turn. What happens when you make an early turn? Your GPS has to re-route. You still get to the final destination (hopefully), but the route was a little different than originally planned.
You see, In November of 2008 I went with a mission team from our church to the Pacific Rim. I was struck by one interaction in particular that I had with a group of college guys. I started to envision what it would be like to teach and develop relationships with college students who were so hungry for knowledge, and in a country where the acceptance of Truth is so desperately needed.
Then in November of 2010 (these things seem to happen in November) I shared this with a Journeyman and he asked me what was stopping me from working with college students fulltime. God was starting to alert my senses to a change He wanted me to make. Having recently gained a global perspective and being impressed with the character of those in the Journeyman program, I started an application process to work with a large missions organization. I clicked the button at the bottom of the initial form that said “submit” and I have been viewing my life through a different lens ever since.
I was reminded of the story of Abraham and Isaac, told in Genesis 22. Abraham was directly told by God to sacrifice his only son on a mountain. Whoa! I don’t have kids, and I certainly don’t equate my material things with the life of a child! However, the idea of sacrifice is serious. How much are we willing to give up? What is the cost of being in relationship with the Maker of the universe? Luke 9:59-62 says:
He said to another man, "Follow me." But he replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said, "I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family." Jesus replied, "No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.The cost of following Christ is high. Doing the will of God is serious business. Half of me wondered if God really wanted me to go overseas, and the other half of me was curious if He was getting at something else in my life. A few big words I couldn’t get enough of at that time were: "faith," "trust," "strings," and "desires." Faith and trust, because clicking the submit button on the first application was an act of faith that followed a clear prompting of the Holy Spirit to trust without relying on human wisdom (1 Corinthians 1:18-2:16). I was reminded that I often say no to God because I filter what he asks of me through my own self-faith. That's not trusting in God. I said "strings and desires" because I was constantly being challenged to cut worldly strings that tie me to a place where God will not fully use me. God changed a lot of my desires which made it more possible for Him to use my life. I was greatly encouraged by 2 Corinthians 4. So did God want me to go, or did He want me to simply submit? I made a promise to God that I would stop the process only when He gave me a very clear word to do so. I kept praying, "Lord, whatever you say I will do. Let them keep accepting me if it is your will that I go."
The organization kept replying to me, accepting every one of the multi-part application as I sent them in. I was on the map and the blue dot was moving! God was leading me toward a change, and in late February of 2011 I made a decision to give two years to ministry overseas. I felt like my life had been thrown upside-down. I had to resign from my job, sell my car, my house, and lots of my things. I had documents to organize and paperwork to file. I felt like God had given me a way into something new, and I was very excited to think about working with the people of East Asia. The blue dot on the map had moved far away from the starting point.
There was a long goodbye period in-between these announcements and the various commissionings, goodbye dinners, one-on-one conversations about my calling to go, reasons I gave as to why the Lord was leading me away, all of these things that were leading up to a somewhat pointed ending. The conflict in my heart had happened, the resolution was resounding and I was making plans to go; but this was not all that God was up to. There was a twist.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)
"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the lord's purpose that prevails." (Proverbs 19:21)
"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” (Proverbs 16:3)
What has changed (God's twist): When I
arrived at training I was expecting a sense of peace. God had shown incredible
blessing in all the ways I had prepared to leave. However, here I felt
tormented by unrest. Peace was nowhere to be found. I cried out to God to help
me know what it was. I ate a huge dinner but felt like my gut was empty.
Something was missing. Something was wrong. Was this an emotional response to
finally being alone? No. Was this a call to earnestly pray for direction and
guidance? Probably. Was I supposed to reconsider what God wanted of me now that
I was uprooted and ready for planting? …Yes.
Yes? "But God, why did you bless all the surrounding elements of leaving my job when you didn't want me to be here at this time?" The Father is sometimes surprising. He began to make me realize that my little blue dot was not yet at the destination. I have been working in ministry for eight years (in some form or fashion) and have been obedient to God's calling on my life; and now He was putting people in my path to point out that this might not be the right time to be on the other side of the word. Wise people. People who were affirming the feelings I was having.
After doing a lot of seeking of what the Lord wants out of the opportunities He has given me, I have arrived at a decision. God seemed to be reminding me of the initial time I thought of serving overseas. I remembered the parallel to the Abraham and Isaac story from when I first started wondering if God wanted me to just "submit" and give it all up. Others in my close friend, mentor, and family circle (unprompted) shared with me recently that they had earlier sensed the same parallel! With their affirmation, I have to say that I realize I cannot serve overseas at this time. If I were to go after God has cautioned me in this way, I would not be able to do ministry with His favor. And as was pointed out to me yesterday by a friend with field experience: "there is something very wrong about going when you can't invest 100 percent." I would not be able to invest all of me knowing that my “blue dot” was not at the right place on the map.
Now, every twenty minutes I am reminded of another thing that I’ve done in preparation for leaving. Everything I said when I stood on the platform at our church in Macon, Georgia was deeply true. I had experienced a call to change jobs and work with college students in a ministry setting. I felt confirmation from others that a change was to be made. I felt love and support from people whose names I cannot count. That has not changed. I think of the prayer cards I've sent out, the people I've told, the parties that have been given me, the prayers people have been praying, the stories I've shared, the preparing for someone else to fill my job, the email lists created... and the list really does go on the more I think about it. I can't think about all of those rational and world/people-driven reasons for me to just keep moving forward with this commitment. Both hearing God's clear caution during training, and the idea of going just to "save face" would not sustain me for two years of overseas service.
I've regained peace since making this decision, after listening to God, after seeking wise counsel (after reorienting my again turned upside-down head!) God has been working at shaping me to become the man He is going to use. I have certainly been called to ministry; however, God is calling me to something more specific. Between my initial application in November and the conference in February, God was giving me a stronger vision for collegiate ministry. He has also been filling me with a hunger to begin seminary now. In fact, it was my plan to begin (a course at a time) while I was serving overseas. With the overseas venture on hold, I can begin seminary at full force. In addition, God has kept me passionate about ministry to college students. He is true to His word, and He is indeed beginning a new work in me.
An interesting and sad fact: Did you know that there are more than 225,876,500 lost people here in the United States? That is 199,170,500 more people than the foreign country to which I was heading! (Operation World, 2011) This shows me that no matter where God sends or keeps me, there are people who haven’t heard the hope that Jesus offers. I would covet your continued prayer as I continue to follow God’s plan.
Respectfully in His service,
Michael
